on the day i am writing this blog, its been almost a week i have no contact wif this person who’s usually i have contact with everyday since may2008 and i felt so miserable missing this person as i usually talk to this person EVERYDAY..and why am i not in contact with diz fren of mine? 1st because my stupid phone line is not working properly ( i think) makes me frustrated cant connect to the internet to chat wif diz person.. i am using dial up at home..yaya so lame..everyone with their broadband and stuff..its complicated to tell why i am still using dial up at home.. in second thought, i think the ones stupid is my laptop..instead of the phone line, i think the port yg rosak..it happen before..cant connect to the internet at home for a long time but suddenly it returned to normal again (maybe because i format the laptop or something).. 2nd because i think it is useless to sms diz fren of mine because diz person wont reply.. no credit.. 3rd because i think i am ashamed of calling diz person and talk directly thru the fon as i have no important things or emergencies to tell and i think its gonna be stupid if i make that call coz i have been trying to avoid become the 1st person to make calls or make conversation/chat..wanna know why? because i have been already warned not to fall for this person from the beginning of our so called friendship and i think if i do be the 1st person to call..i think its so obvious that i need to talk to him..infact i really dont want to be the person who is waiting for the calls and chats too coz i really am trying to runaway from falling for him although i really did and now i am correcting my sanity..correcting my purpose..remembering back my aims diz sem..fighting my feelings and emotions againts this person who totally have the magic to blow me away and diz very person made me lost wif my own bet as i had once said that not a man will make me fall in love at this moment (during my studies) after i had so much pain that i had to go through after my breakup wif this other person who i thought was the only man i’ll give my heart and soul and no other man will be like him that will gonna touch my heart once again.Since i had been warned earlier not to fall for this person, but i failed to do so and i fell for diz person since the 1st time diz person played the guitar lively for me.. i always think that its ok for me to admire someone but i will not hope for anything because if i hope..i’ll be in so much pain later on..and i already had my lesson from the previous relationships and i also admired people when i’m back in high school and matrix..it didnt hurt at all and the amazing thing is all of the people i admire made me confess to them but i know from the begining that i wont be chosen afterall but i have no hard feelings at all..i was so ok with the decision…now..i was hoping a little changes, which i wish diz person wont know about what i feel but i guess i’m so damn bad of hiding it and it was really stupid saying the shouout which became all of this person’s frenz attention which brings me the "question of i never wanna be questioned" coz at that time i wont be able to hide anything or lie..and believe me everything i told on that moment wasnt a lie.. i do have feelings but i am seroiusly not hoping to love me back and i want this person to live happy and follow his heart..the only thing i cant tell this person is why did i ever have feelings for this person.. some of the reasons only my bestfren knows about it..even code name "Lego" said at the 1st time he knows i am being fren wif this person "haa..diz guy is definetly ur type" coz mr Lego knows all about what i like in a guy..haha..(mr lego..i know ur reading..surely tgh senyum lebar tgh puji ko ni sbb being such an understanding buddy)not juz that.. diz person had showered me love and does things i never expect to received them..but thats juz him..he does it to others too..if he dont..he’s not him.. its such amazing this kind of people exist in this planet..rarely seen..rarely found..and i have found diz leo..another leo..( i had been told leo was my perfect match in love in the zodiac thinggy but i supposed i should not believe in those things).. but this leo was really something..everyone says it too..that he is a very very very very nice person ever known.. he’s so open minded, simply shares stories of his life, a good listener and remembers well too..the most important thing is this person always makes me closer to Allah..thanks to everyone who puji2 diz person and promoting diz person to me..and also prayed for me to be stuck wif this person..all of the support made me forget about my niat and intentions..which is to not layan my emotions in this.. i appreciate it but guys..its game over..i am on bumi nyata once again and i need to focus diz time. i have only one wish..i hope nothing changes although its kinda awkward after the confessions.. i cant lose diz person as a fren..look..its been days we had not contact each other and i am already feeling like shit.. arghh..i’ll always pray for this person’s happiness and i know i dont deserve such a great guy like that..gud la i’m back to my senses..i wish diz person will forget every single word i told and forget i ever admire him because that will be great..so that i can be myself again..if he does not..i wish i still can be myself..freely saying out loud what i wanna say..what i wanna do.. i surely missed our "1 2 3 game" can we do it again?
p/s so pening la what i wrote..who read it and understands will make me touched..seriusly
"If you didn’t notice
You mean everything (quickly I’m learning)
To love again (all i know is) I’m be oooOook
Thought i couldn’t live without you
It’s going to hurt when it heals too
Oh yeaah (It’ll All get better in time)
Even though i really love you
I’m gonna smile
because i deserve too Oooh
(It’ll all get better in time)
I will be fine without you
Yes i Will"
Better in time-Leona Lewis
on 14th august 08 i spent quarter of my nite wif kakpah (the other half of my nite is another interesting story which i’ll tell later).. kakpah my photoshope sensei..huhu learn new styles in editing photographs..but honestly i’m not that good like her..can remember all the steps.. kinda funny i had to write down all the steps she thought coz i’ll definetely forget afterwards
on 15th august 08 during my way back home wif amal.. took some shots for my editing collections..some were signboards of KMNS, kuala pilah large welcome signboards..bukit putus area..senawang industrial area..my “taman” signboard..not to forget..the accident scene at simpang 3 (to segamat,muadzam,bahau) that accident involves a car and express bus which made 2 died in the accident (masuk newspaper)
after reach home mum told me my 3 pupu (our moyang is sisters) getting married and their doing this upacara usung pengantin with candles (at mum’s kampung only they do that) so buat i minat nak tgk. after isyak went the bride’s house (funny i dont even know her name but now i know). aku mcm mengalahkan photographer sebenar coz i didnt missed every moment and the best part is the pengantin laki always smile at my camera..haha..dat time got many other cameras to look la(why ur wife not looking ?).. my camera cute la i think. i even explore the beautiful big house and snap lots of photos..the hall..hantaran..all of the candelier inside outside the house..the pengantin’s bedroom (so cantek!!)..
on 16th august 08.. (the next day in the afternoon) me and mum went there again for lunch..lagi byk shots i took!! the food..the pengantin..the polis band ( i also want a band play on my wedding day..the abg polis nyanyi sgt sedap woooo..all the songs they played pon masyukkkk) surely everyone noticed me and my pinko busy doing our thing..haha..snap sana snap sini..i even x habis makan betul2 sbb nk cepat lari ke arah pengantin nak berarak..haha..
i’m so damn happy that day..pinko is my new lover..haha
dear sensei..
mr Abu Zaharin & kak suraya
mr Hairul shah & mrs muliati
selamat pengantin baru
semoge bhgia hingga akhir hayat
mohon ampun kerna x dpt dtg ke mjlis
tu la..kawen tarikh same..poning den cmno nak bolah badan
last2 balik uni je tgk konvo senior..=p
well mister..i know u’ll read diz..no guts to look at me???
"Maybe someday I’ll see you again
And you’ll look me in my eyes
And call me your friend"
-empty apartment by yellowcard
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